Oregon
From Schmecken
Contents |
Introduction
Oregon is a temperate, near-paradisical region of the United States that is characterized by tall mountains and Douglas Fir trees. It also has pollen in such immense qualities that it is not a true paradise, and that is a major reason why Yansa is leaving Oregon by May 2005.
History
Oregon should rightfully include the entire old Oregon Territory. However, back in the day, the United States decided to give a big chunk of it to Canada and split the rest of it up into oddly-named little portions like Washington. I mean, "Washington"? What the heck? Why not name it "Bob"?
At one point, Boise, Idaho, was in Marion County, Oregon (then called Champooick County). Also, the present sites of Seattle, Washington, and Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, were in Clackamas County, Oregon. Those were the days.
Imposed Boundaries
The Columbia River is the state's northern boundary until you get to the region around Umatilla, where an arbitrary line separates Oregon from yet another section of the Oregon Territory that is occupied by the state of Washington. That artificial line continues east to the Snake River, a tributary of the Columbia, which runs through Hells Canyon, the deepest canyon in North America. The Snake River serves as Oregon's eastern boundary until it reaches an area near Ontario, where an artificial vertical north-south line serves as our boundary. The southern boundary of the state is 42°N latitude, the northern boundary of the state of California. The western boundary of Oregon is the mighty Pacific Ocean.
Climate and Landforms
Oregon is divided into two parts by the Cascade Range mountains, which provide a rain shadow effect that keeps Eastern Oregon sere and sparsely-populated. The Cascade Range impedes transportation by providing a lofty platform for snow, which makes the scenic and twisty mountain highways all but impassable during the colder seasons of the year. There is one low gateway through the Cascades: Interstate 84, which traverses the Columbia Gorge.
Western Oregon possesses what climatologists refer to as a Mediterranean climate, with a distinct dry and hot season (summer) and a distinct cold and rainy season (winter).
Eastern Oregon is dry all the time, except on snow-days and during thunderstorms. It is full of sagebrush, Republicans with guns, and incredible scenery.
Oregon's Innate Righteousness
- Oregon has oodles upon oodles of Douglas Fir trees.
- The Douglas Fir is Oregon's state tree.
- Oregon has no sales tax.
- All of Oregon's liquor stores are owned by the state government.
Things Oregonians Can Forgive About Their State
- In Oregon, it is illegal for a person to pump their own gasoline. Gas must be pumped by a person who is in the employ of the gas station at which one's car is fueling.
- West of the Cascade Range, rain and cloudy skies are the order of the day for six months out of every year.
Cities
Oregon's largest city is Portland. Its capital is Salem. Its hippie capital is Eugene.
Counties
Oregon has 36 counties, which is a proper and manageable number. However, we would consider it appropriate for Oregon to bring back Umpqua County, which was located in present-day coastal portions of Douglas and Lane counties. That way, Florence, Reedsport, and Winchester Bay wouldn't be responsible to landlocked authorities. But we digress.
